Happy new year my people, we are back and I am so glad you followed through. I have good news for you!!! I started an Instagram account for this podcast, where we can chat and interact with each other, super right, the handle is DBHLG_PODCAST, kindly follow, engage and tell your friends.
Tuesday
Salary sweet, na work spoil am
Because tell me why I am on my way to work, although, I enjoyed spending my salary during the Christmas break, oh, to do big girl dey sweet sha. Anyway, I am back to continue my hustle oh, and on that note, I think now would be the best time to tell you all that I got a new job, yes oh, it comes with one perk that will help you survive this Lagos, hybrid work, omo, you do not even know how glad I am, take for instance, today is a Tuesday and it is my first day of the week at the office. My skin will pop, is it not me and this Lagos again, osheeyyyy.
I saw this guy jogging and listening to music, well how did I know that he was listening to music? He was giving a public performance while jogging, I do not blame him because if he had a bus to catch this morning, he would not be jogging this morning not to talk of singing Asake, anyway when I saw him, the first thing that crossed my mind was, welcome back to Lagos sister, your adventure begins.
Guy, come closer, sheyy there was no harmattan in Lagos ni because I am not understanding this heat, my moisturiser and my sunscreen refused to blend in today, this is how I was fanning myself and I feel like I was making things worse, this is my problem with you people in this Lagos, the Abeokuta I left just days ago still feels like a mild winter, you people have used traffic to send harmattan, a whole harmattan away, clap for yourselves.
The bus I got this morning eh, I was so unfortunate to get that seat close to the door, and that is not even the issue, the driver was driving so rough, that I was holding on for dear life, Sia never see anything she dey shout chandelier, at least she had a chandelier to hold on to, I had nothing, I had to beg the drive “Oga abeg, na person dey this your door side”. This driver was so rough that one man had to comment “Oga we go enter bus still dey find panadol drink?”
Wednesday
PVC Wahala
Today was a remote day for me, so I decided to go and collect my PVC so I do not come under the category of ‘clanging cymbal’ according to Erica of the Holy Ghost on Twitter. I went and I was not disappointed at the corruption of the officers who were collecting 500 naira to attend to people through the window instead of the queue, I was disappointed that they actually had patronage, so Nigerians are not tired, they are not tired of the situation we find ourselves because, why are you practising the same corruption we are accusing Mr the ozza room for?
Anyway, I stood for hours and my prayer was that they should even see my own card because some people were getting there and not finding theirs, me that transferred from Abuja, the tension in my heart was thicker than new mouka foam, and I was relieved when I got in there and I got my PVC.
Guys seriously, if you have registered, go and collect this thing, this country will not change with mere words, let us try, let it be that we tried and it did not work, but we cannot sit at home and do nothing.
Thursday
I go love oh…not
Given my new work hours eh, you should see the traffic I face to work, I used to think that people were exaggerating when speaking about the morning traffic, but now that seems like my life, omo, once its 7:30, everywhere will just be blocked, especially in front of the Oriental hotel, for Lagos sake where are all of you going to at the same time biko, skip work, tell your boss about your mental health and maybe the road will be free for those of us who do not have any mental health.
There is nothing as annoying as this morning, this early morning, when I was rushing to get to work after alighting from the bus, I saw a girl and a guy holding hands, laaro kutu kutu, this early morning, wo koshi danu jare, carry your rubbish away, both of you do not have any better use of your time, as I am talking about this I am just realising that Valentines is around the corner, God abeg, protect the single ones like me, the pyjama show during Christmas was enough abeg.
Lol, we just entered 2023 and this man has a death wish, of course, if he does not have a death wish, can you tell me why he was speeding in the opposite lane, even my bus driver was afraid for him, it is 2023 sha make we suffery do am, you cannot be so much in a hurry when it’s not like you are going to heaven, or is he?
You know, this evening, underneath all the chaos, I feel a certain calm, and I see it in the faces of the people leaving their offices, boarding buses, buying bread for tomorrow morning or okro for tonight’s soup, it is almost as if they are all speaking to me, saying or singing, “oh happy evening” in the same tune as oh happy day, I mean why won’t they, work is over….at least for today
Tuesday
Wahala be like shift or come down
I entered this bus and when I asked the driver how much, the lady in front looked back and smiled at me, I smiled back, but aunty, you did not expect me to ask or what? I will ask oh because I do not want to be the kinda person that will now get to obalende and they will tell me 800 when I thought the fare was 400.
Still, on this bus, the driver was trying to park at the bus stop and there was no space and the conductor was telling him to park anywhere, that “I dey with you”, lol, I laugh in LASTMA as Davido’s FIA lyrics come to mind “I love you no mean say if you say make I put my hand for fire, I go put hand for fire” because when those men in yellow and burgundy show just now, I am sure this conductor’s confidence will turn to begfidence.
There is this debate going on in this bus about the elections and this guy is spitting fire, he said that this administration has been in power for 8 years, with no light, no fuel, no food, and nothing to show and they are campaigning more than Indomie, from the way this guy spoke you can tell that he was so bitter, he kept emphasizing that everyone should get their voters card because we cannot continue like this, guys I agree with him, we cannot be looking like this oh.
I hate when conductors try to bully you into shifting when there is no space to shift to, this is how this conductor was shouting at this lady to shift or come down, the lady was confused, guys she had shifted, she was practically siamese with the window of the bus, then the conductor said she should come down, she did not even answer him, inside my mind I was like go girrrl, if you follow us, you will know I have done this to a driver before, he even removed his seat and I said I will stand, well he knew he would need people to sit down there and had to put the seat back. In this Lagos, you give werey for werey but still choose the kind of werey you display before you meet your boss in the art of the crazy and you wake up one leap year later at Igbobi.
Today, I have a little advice for bus drivers, but please use your discretion to apply this advice before you now mention my name, my hand no dey. You see, when you are driving in heavy traffic and you have had to cut out of the lane, then you want to rejoin the road, my guy, cut in front of a luxury car, like a Benz, those people will give you chance, because they know you cannot afford the repair, and they do not want to spend a lot of money repairing their car. Do this and thank me later, and if e no work, no be me tell you.
Thursday
My first physical fight experience on a bus
Before I got a bus this morning eh, it was war, not only do we have a scarcity of fuel and buses, prices have skyrocketed. Things are just terrible in this country. I looked at the people at the bus stop standing for hours because our country is not working and realised that there are some corn supporters among those of us suffering. Now, no one says you should not have your political preferences but bro, you cannot be deaf, dumb, blind and insensitive at the same time.
I witnessed my first physical fight on a bus today. I was on my way to work and in the defence of the driver and conductor they had said that they were not going to pass Awolowo road because of this fuel scarcity, and the entire road would be blocked.
So we got to the top of that Falomo bridge and the conductor announced that anyone going to Falomo and Awolowo should come down because they were not going to descend the bridge, they would go straight to Alfred Rewane.
The lady beside the conductor said the conductor should refund her money because she did not hear them say that they would not get to Awolowo (as if any conductor refunds money), the conductor said no, and next thing oh, this aunty grabbed his shirt and started beating him, I swear, the issue went from zero to a hundred in a second, the conductor quickly closed the door, if not he would have fallen out.
This lady was vibrating, threatening to tear his shirt, beating him, cursing, if you even dared to interfere, she would curse your generation too. If you observed the fight in a bus from Falomo bridge to Alfred Rewane at around 8:30 am, that was my bus At some point, the conductor had to jump out of the bus, and she called all of us wicked for not supporting her, omo, it was a mess. When the conductor came back into the bus, an overwhelming sense of sadness for him washed over me, he went out to get his daily bread, he did not deserve such an assault.
I am proud of YOU!. You made it to the end, if you liked it, please like, comment and share, if you did not, please tell me next week. Love ya!
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