Monday
Let’s catch up
It has been a while and I have missed talking to you all, the thing is, I was very ill, it started as cold and catarrh, after that went I was still feeling weak with body pains, I would be on the bus but I would not be seeing anyone or anything, all I just wanted to do was go home. I had to run tests and I realised I had typhoid and the range was at 1:320, this was the first time I realised that typhoid is caused by Salmonella, what’s funny is that I used to hear about this Salmonella but I did not know it was related to typhoid.
Update, my INEC voters transfer has been approved and I will be called upon to pick up my card when it is ready, you see this 2023, we pin for them because this country is not funny anymore.
But guys oh, the things we see on Lagos roads, I was on this bus jejely oh, then I saw a bus in front of us, I was wondering what was wrong because the bus did not seem balanced to me, I decided to look closely and the tyres of this bus were moving from side to side, like seriously side to side oh.
The proud driver.
So as we were moving, my bus driver stopped at Lekki to pick up some passengers, so this driver whose bus had broken down wanted to put 2 of his passengers on our bus, these ladies were going to Obalende and from Lekki to Obalende is usually 200 naira, but guess what this driver tried to do? He tried to pay 200 for both of them meaning 100 naira per person, and our driver refused, instead of that driver trying to make our driver reason with him, the next thing he did was to start shouting that our driver was inconsiderate, lol na your bus breakdown, na you carry shoulder pad wear for head, you must be joking, our driver told his passengers to come down, the ladies no gree oh. At last, he came to pay the full fare, but honestly what was he expecting, after all, the ladies paid their full fare, your bus broke down, and next thing, you want to pay a reduced fare to put them on another bus?
Oh Fada Lord, with the queue I saw at one filling station this morning, please, I don’t want to hear fuel scarcity, I know how much I paid last month when there was fuel scarcity, which day will I wake up and see that everything in this country is positive, like the milk I bought yesterday has not added 10 naira tomorrow, salaries are not increasing but everything is increasing in price.
This bus conductor sha, it was the bus I entered when returning from work when I wanted to enter, he said that Jakande was 400 naira but I priced it down to 300, he agreed, then a woman came into the bus, a buxom woman, he told her 400 naira, she priced 300 and he refused so she got down, when asked why he said she occupied a seat and a half so he would not collect less. Imagine.
Tuesday
Domesticated Wild Animals.
So don’t get me wrong, I love dogs a lot, in fact, I am still mad at my parents for letting our dog go when I was 9 years, omo I cried, but, please some dogs should be in the forest because what in the name of canine is it that I saw at the estate this morning, how can a dog’s head be as big as mine and you are keeping it in an estate and giving it walks, some of you are raising wolves but you don’t know in fact your village people will not allow you to notice.
So on this bus that I was, a guy was to enter and sit beside me, next thing he said was “Please, can I join you”, lol, so bros if I say no, you will not enter a bus that you are about to pay for? osheyy, gentleman.
My own is that I am so glad, my boss gave me the day off tomorrow, so I am just going to chill and enjoy myself, although I have to get something from the market but it is only that one item, I would go and be back in no time, and rest for the entire day.
Wednesday
Best Laid Plans
So, what was I saying about resting and enjoying myself again yesterday? It is the way Lagos will hear me making such plans and will not tell me, not warn me, will not show in my dreams to say ” Frankcess oh, this day will not go as planned oh”, Lagos will just sit down with a glass of wine in hand, listen to me make plans and be laughing as if to say “Let’s see how it goes”
Today was today, so the item I was looking for, the name I did not know, but I had a sample and I thought it would be pretty easy, my luck is I was dressed comfortably, so I went to a group chat and asked for help, I was told that I should go to Yaba, Tejuosho, and any nice supermarket, and I thought it made sense because if I did not see what I was looking for in office supplies stores, I should get it at either Spar or Shoprite, but apparently those people no rate office supplies at all.
I left the house and went straight to Yaba, this is how I was moving from shop to shop, store to store asking people for this item, showing them samples, omo, they did not have oh, in fact, they did not even have an idea of what it was, I went to Spar at Tejuosho, if you see their stationaries shelf eh, so small, and it had only A4 papers and other irrelevant stuff.
Sokoto Vs Shokoto.
From Tejuosho I walked to Ojuelegba, I didn’t even know that that road I used to see would lead to Tejuosho, and I did not even know that Tejuosho was there, I used to hear of the place but I never figured, fun fact though, I did my NYSC registration at Ojuelegba. So when I got to Ojuelegba, I took a bus to Mushin, I went to my beloved paper market, I swear I am in love with the people of Mushin, it is the hustle for me. Anyway, my love did not help, I walked from store to store and while they gave me something similar, it was not just working for me at all. So I left Mushin and decided to go to Ikeja City Mall, at least if my awon ibile cannot give me what I want, maybe I would get it in a tush place, so I went to Shoprite there (I hope you guys are keeping track of time well enough to realise that the time was already like 4pm to 5pm). I got to Shoprite and they too had a small stationaries section, so I asked the security man and he directed me to go to either Miniso (these ones had what I cannot refer to as a stationary section)or a store called office accessories I think, and they had what I wanted but not quite, so the guy told me that I was looking for Print Labels, well they had print labels but theirs were like 12 to 16 cuts and I needed just 2 cuts, but I mean through him, I already had a name for what I was looking for so I left the mall and decided to go to CMS, I got to CMS told the guy what I wanted, and he brought it, the exact cut I wanted, my issue now is, I live at Jakande, why didn’t I go to CMS in the first place, talk about going to Sokoto when what you are looking for is in your shokoto.
But you know, adventures like this do not get me so angry because it helps me to see Lagos and interact with the people in this town, like today, I was directed to a man called Peter(fake name) in Mushin for the labels and when I got to that row of shops I approached a man who was selling papers too and told him I was looking for Mr Peter, he asked who sent and what I wanted to buy, when I told him, he said his name was Peter, but he was not the Peter I was looking for. Ordinarily, some people would have used that opportunity to steal that business but he did not.
So when returning, I went to buy, potatoes and suya, so you see, this guy that sells these midnight cravings was in another space previously, but he had to move because the owner of the space told him, they needed to use the space to build something, the impression I got was that the owner probably did not like the suya business there and probably wanted the driveway to be clear and all, today after buying stuff from this guy at his new place, I passed the old place and guess what, the landlord had built a shed and guess what they were selling, SUYA! AND EVERYTHING the other guy was selling! Like the workers in this new suya spot were wearing the t-shirt of the supermarket and that’s how I know it’s the landlord that owns that place. And in my mind, I am like people no longer practice witchcraft only on an ekukuleku level oh.
Thursday
This shuttle that I entered this morning was on a spiritual level oh, this bus driver was playing praise and worship, as in high praise and worship oh, even the people on the bus were singing too, it was nice, it beats listening to NM early in the morning, abeg I did not mention names oh.
These days eh, I usually give out my change depending on the face of the conductor, if I see that the conductor’s face is calm, I can give him my 1000 naira note, but then I am sure that he does not like problem and would give me my change, but if I enter a bus and the conductor looks like a fighter, guy, I will give you either the 300 naira change or 500 naira, so if bad comes to worse, I would not lose a lot of money, just like the day that driver ran away with my money, was it not just like 100 or 200 naira, that’s a lot different from a driver or conductor running away with like 700 naira. The funny thing is there are those ones who will prove you wrong, like the conductor today, a very rough-looking guy, even his voice was rough, but he was one of the most polite guys I have ever met, no insults and stuff, he gave me my 200 naira change on time, he was just very cool.
Mr Funny Face.
So as I was on this bus going home, we were in traffic, I looked out of the window and one guy caught my eyes and started making funny faces at me, I mean a full-blown adult making funny faces and waving at another full-blown adult, I laughed because I thought to myself “Bro you are going to make it to the diary” and he may never know, you see that’s why you should share this because if you do he may get to read the diary or listen to the podcast, and maybe he will be my future husband, or you guys don’t want me to find love in Lagos?
Friday
100 vs 150
This our bus stopped to pick 2 passengers up at Law school before you climb the bridge and turn to Falomo, I do not know what they bargained but when they wanted to pay the conductor 100 naira, the conductor said their money was 150. They were like, he told them 100 naira, he refused to accept oh, and seriously though the both of them could not have been lying against him na. When we got to Falomo, the both of them came down and gave him 100 naira each and he collected, the man said “You for no collect am na”.
There is this thing that Agberos do that is so annoying and if I am on a bus and my bus driver or conductor decides to pull off his shirt to beat an agbero because of this, I would help him hold and fold the shirt, even offer to wash it for him, this one thing I am talking about is the way Agberos use pipes to hit buses without regards to the fact that there are people inside the bus and that such banging can give us headaches, in fact, this one of today was just over the top, the policeman on my bus almost came down to confront the guy, but our driver told him not to worry and drove off.
So apparently this driver appeared to be a peacemaker, a guy entered the bus and as he was about to sit down he stepped on a lady, instead of him to apologise, he told her to maintain, na wa oh, telling her to maintain, sometimes I wonder the kind of women these men marry and how they cope. So while this guy and lady were having their back and forth, the driver just started apologizing to each of them on behalf of the other person.
There is this new signpost I have been seeing and it seems weird to me, like of all ad campaigns to put out there, the grand idea they had was to get a beautiful curvy lady, take a picture of her and photoshop her to be curvier and put the tagline ‘Staying ahead of the curve since….’, this is not an ad for photography or modelling or a waist trainer or even BBL.
The thing that pains me about Lagos traffic is, how are we facing a greenlight and on a standstill?
I am proud of YOU! You made it to the end, if you liked it, please like, comment and share, if you did not, please tell me next week. Love ya!
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